A competition entry (Nami)

To whom it may concern

I hereby nominate Chiune Sugihara, who was the Japanese diplomat in Lithuania during World War II. He saved more than 6,000 Jews by serving visas, so that they could escaped from the country to either Japan or other countries via Japan. I truly believe him a real hero because of the following two reasons.

Firstly, he is considered to be a hero because of his self-sacrifice attitude. What he did was against Japanese diplomatic policy at that time, and so there was a possibility that he could have been assassinated or accused of disloyalty. However, he believed that his decision was right and kept serving visas for Jews while it was not what the Japanese government and also the Germany government expected him to do. Even though he was lucky not to have been killed for the political reason, in fact, the Japanese government fired him after he repatriated to Japan. Given these ______, I believe that he deserves to receive a prize of “Heroes like you and me.”

Secondly, his humanitarian activity was obviously significant because it was more than 6,000 people whose lives he actually saved. He made his own decision_ regardless nationality, which is an ultimate and perfect model of humanitarianism. It should have been a difficult decision for him to serve visas to Jews as a Japanese diplomat at that time. Nevertheless, he never forgot that he was a human before the Japanese and a diplomat, and worked for humanity. Without his decision, more than 6,000 people were killed. Hence, his humanitarianism should receive more attention in the world history and I believe that the prize will give him an opportunity to get attention as a very important historic person.

Chiune Sugihara is not a famous person in the world history, but what he achieved deserves to be appraised more on the global stage, which could be the one of the best examples of self-sacrifice and humanitarianism. Hence, I strongly recommend him as a nominee of the prize of the competition, “Heroes like you and d me.”

Very nicely written overall Nami. There are a number of grammar conventions that need a bit of attention which I've highlighted in yellow. However, your writing is persuasive and you tell a very good story which enhances the strength of the paper. Good Job!

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To whom it may concern

I hereby nominate Chiune Sugihara, who was a Japanese diplomat in Lithuania during World War II. He saved more than 6,000 Jews by issuing visas, so that they could escape from the country to either Japan or other countries via Japan. I truly believe that he is a real hero for the following two reasons.

Firstly, he is considered to be a hero because of his self-sacrificing attitude. What he did was against Japanese diplomatic policy at that time, and so there was a possibility that he would have been excuted or accused of disloyalty. However, he believed that his decision was right and kept issuing visas to Jews, even though it was against what the Japanese government as well as the Germany government expected him to do. Even though he was lucky not to have been killed for political reasons, in fact, the Japanese government dismissed him after he went back to Japan. Given these reasons, I believe that he deserves to receive the prize of “Heroes like you and me.”

Secondly, his humanitarian activity was significant because more than 6,000 people's lives were saved. He made his own decisions regardless of nationality, which is an ultimate and perfect model of humanitarianism. It must have been a difficult decision for him to issue visas to Jews as a Japanese diplomat at that time. Nevertheless, he never forgot that he was a human before being Japanese and a diplomat, and worked for humanity. Without his decision, more than 6,000 people would have been killed. Hence, his humanitarianism should receive more attention in world history and I believe that the prize will give him an opportunity to be recognized as a very important historic person.

Chiune Sugihara is not a famous person in world history, but what he achieved deserves to be appraised more on the global stage, which could be the one of the best examples of self-sacrifice and humanitarianism. Hence, I strongly recommend him as a nominee for the prize of the competition, “Heroes like you and d me.”